Readers: “Only” is a dangerous word. People nearly always use it incorrectly. 

A national insurance company says in its commercials, “Only pay for what you need.” We suspect the firm has gotten emails from outraged English professors across the country. A cynic might theorize the company knowingly did it wrong to be provocative and draw attention.

So, which of the following is correct?

A. Only pay for what you need. 
B. Pay only for what you need. 
C. Pay for what you only need. 
D. Pay for what only you need. 
E. Pay for only what you need.

In this case, B or E is correct. A, the version the company uses in its commercials, would suggest you neither eat, sleep or breathe; you do just one thing: Pay for what you need. 

Still not clear? Here’s how changing the position of “only” in a sentence creates a completely separate idea each time:

1. Only John murdered the person Bill wanted killed. 
2. John only murdered the person Bill wanted killed. 
3. John murdered the person Bill only wanted killed. 
4. John murdered the person only Bill wanted killed.

Next time: The English-speaking world’s horrific assault on the poor, defenseless, comma.

From the Mailbag:

“I would argue that the singular versus plural faux pas concerning marketing to customers is debatable. While indeed, "customer's" is singular possessive, "them" on the other hand, is now an acceptable pronoun to apply to a singular subject in our contemporary gender neutral context where the conventionally appropriate "he" or "she" is becoming obsolete. While this writer counts himself among the cohort of plain-clothed grammar police, he nevertheless must acknowledge that language does and indeed must be permitted to evolve with the mores of the times. -- Mark Gerard McKee

Mark: Thanks for writing! You refer to our July 25 “Grammar Police” segment, in which an ad read, “The customer’s journey is complex. Marketing to them doesn’t have to be.”

You weren't the only person to object to our citing the ad. Eliot’s son Hank, himself an aspiring writer, made the same argument as you.

So let’s discuss.

Unlike other languages, English has no word for a gender-neutral plural pronoun (unless you live in the south, where “y’all” is not just preferred but mandatory.) Saying “marketing to him or her” wouldn’t go very far with the corporate board.

In recent years, issues of gender identity have moved the needle, According to an essay in Time Magazine, in 2019, the Merriam-Webster dictionary declared “they” its “word of the year!” The essay also said that, in 2017, the Associate Press, the official guru of the “Horribly” Wrong” team, declared “they” as acceptable.

Well, heck. We still don’t like it.

And when it comes to grammar, you have an option. Newspapers call it “writing around it.”

Just say, “Your customers’ journeys are complex. Marketing to them doesn’t have to be as well.” (See, we also fixed the preposition problem.)

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/BOMaOxR3y_0

Next time: The maligned comma.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!