Readers: We admire our colleagues in the television news business, especially local. Eliot once was one. They have a tough job. Often small staffs cover wide geographical areas. Complicated stories such as tax rates or constitutional amendments just aren’t visual, so they don’t work on TV, leading to charges by elitists (that’s us print people) that TV is shallow. And anyone who’s spoken in public should appreciate the tightrope-without-a-net terror of a live “standup.”

But it is true that finding things on TV that went horribly wrong is like, well, shooting fish in a barrel. (Cliché alert!). We actually have talked about creating a TV news cliché bingo card, or a drinking game. Every one of these next lines actually was said on a TV newscast.

1. He said the shooting left him speechless.

Speechless? Nope. His vocal cords appear to be operating. (PS: It’s a vocal cord, not a chord.)

2. A semi truck crashed Thursday on I-95.

What would constitute a semi-truck? Is that half a truck? What does that look like driving down the expressway? A semi-tractor-trailer truck is the combination of a tractor unit and one, or more, semi-trailers to carry freight. They’re called semi-trailers because they can’t go by themselves. They have to be attached to a cab. That’s where the “semi” comes in. But this wording sounds like it’s a partial truck. Go with “tractor-trailer” or “18-wheeler.”

3. This is something people never will forget.

Well, of course, at some point, many of them will forget it.4.

4. The residents of the nursing home had to be evacuated.

Evacuated” is another one TV gets wrong pretty regularly. “Evacuate” means to empty. You evacuate a town or an arena. Evacuating people is something in the realm of gastroenterology. One morning, TV breathlessly reported that a nursing home had caught fire and that “the residents all had to evacuate.” Bet they did.

5. Two people were ejected in the crash and flown to a nearby hospital.

A simple act of splitting this into two sentences would prevent readers from conjuring in their minds the vision of people flying out a car window and being propelled through the air, like missiles, all the way to the hospital.

6. This mall is where the alleged rape occurred.

The mall is not where the alleged rape occurred. It’s where the rape allegedly occurred. Big difference.

7. Arrested for murder.

You’re not arrested “for murder.” You’re arrested on a murder charge. You are accused of murder. Police allege murder.

8.  It was a gruesome discovery.

It’s a gruesome cliché! 

9. “WATCH LIVE: Tiger Woods car crash.”

Of course they are talking about live coverage of the crash and its aftermath. But wording suggests you could watch the crash as it happened. We’re thinking probably not.

10. “The silence from Congress is palatable.”

“Palatable” means something tasted good. The reporter meant “palpable.”

11. Texas marked a grim milestone today in coronavirus deaths.

During the coronavirus pandemic, the “Horribly Wrong” team had the unique experience of watching “grim milestone” evolve to a cliché in real time. Naturally, in today’s media world, the metamorphosis occurred relatively in the wink of an eye. (Cliché alert!)

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/kzdsMO2c7h0

Next time: More bad TV. (Sorry, guys.)

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com