Readers: NFL star, and later broadcaster, Don Meredith once said, "If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas."
Extra qualifiers are a form of redundancy — and a form of cowardly writing. You’re so afraid to make a definitive statement that you cover your backside with an extra “maybe.” How many qualifiers do you need?
NFL.com
"It’s a safe bet that Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino might break the NFL career passing yards record.”
It’s not just a safe bet. It is an absolute fact that he might break the record. That he WILL break the record is the maybe.
“He could face up to five years in prison upon conviction.”
If convicted, he absolutely, positively, faces up to five years in prison. “Up to” can include zero years.
“There’s a chance she could be back.”
There’s a chance she will be back! Even better, because it avoids unnecessary words: “She could be back.”
“Effects from this product can be fatal 50 percent of the time.”
“This isn’t just cowardly. It’s confusing! Presumably, effects can be fatal 100 percent of the time. Right? So are they saying effects never are fatal half the time? Or that there’s always a potential for fatality, but it’s greater half the time? We don’t know. Which means the writer failed.
“Dozens feared missing in Florida condo collapse."
Those people, sadly, were feared dead, but they definitely were missing. In this case, “missing” meant not accounted for. (Yes, we ended in a preposition.)
“Twitter suspends Trump permanently after inciting riot.”
This is a two-fer! First, it's a classic misplaced modifier, suggesting Twitter incited the riot. But there's a bonus! “Suspend” implies something temporary, so “suspends permanently” is an oxymoron. Just say “bans.” Actually, it might be more accurate to say “suspends indefinitely," because you couldn’t say Twitter later wouldn’t change its mind. Which it did.
Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/_NNs3q8kwX4
Next time: Anachronisms
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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