“England and America are two countries separated by a common language.” — Attributed to George Bernard Shaw

Eliot visited the United Kingdom in the summer of 2023. At Eilean Donan Castle in Scotland, he jokingly asked a man handing out guides, “Is this in American English?” The man said, with a straight face that hid a twinkle, “No. Proper English.”
During Eliot’s visit, he encountered — and photographed — many examples of people speaking differently than Americans. Why is that a surprise? There's different slang between Brooklyn and the Bronx!

Several years ago, Eliot grabbed an audiobook off the discount rack that turned out to be an unauthorized James Bond novel. In one scene, an American military guy briefed a group on some deadly mission. The British writer had the American speaking in British-ese! So a gruff G.I. Joe growled in an American accent, "Let's go, men. Grab your Macintoshes and toss them in your bonnets." Yes. It was bad. Writers: don’t make the same mistake. In one of Eliot's novels, his Miami detective meets with two British government officials. Eliot was terrified that, like the Ian Fleming wannabe, he'd inadvertently have the Brits talk like Americans. So he reached out to a British cousin to "translate" the dialogue.

We won’t attempt to tackle the other parts of the world whose denizens speak a different form of English (Put British and Texan accents in a blender, get Australian). And we won’t address the infuriating British (and Canadian!) habit of sticking a "u" in words such as color and honor, or switching an “s” for a “z.” How disorganised!. After all, as we explained in our March 28, 2021, segment, those are the real reasons for the American Revolution. Really. Look it up.

Here are some American terms and their British counterparts, from Spellzone and the British Club. Do your homework! Full stop!

Private school Public school

Public school State school

Raincoat Mackintosh

Umbrella Brolly

Round-trip ticket Return ticket

Lawyer Barrister or solicitor

Mailbox Postbox

Main street High street

For rent To let

Shopping cart Shopping trolley

Sled Sledge

Sneakers Trainers

Soccer Football

Football American football

Subway Underground or tube

Sweater Jumper

Takeout food Takeaway

Highway pulloff/rest area Layby

Traffic circle Roundabout

TV Telly

Vacation Holiday

Wrench Spanner

Yield Give way

ZIP code Postcode

Apartment Flat

Elevator Lift

Can Tin

Candy Sweets

Cookie or cracker Biscuit

Cell phone Mobile phone

Diaper Nappy

Dish towel Tea towel

Drugstore Chemist

Exit Way out

Expressway Motorway

Flashlight Torch

French fries Chips

Potato chips Crisps

Garbage Rubbish

Garbage can Dustbin

Gasoline Petrol

Stand in line Queue

Truck Lorry

Trunk of a car Boot

Hood of a car Bonnet

Convertible top Hood

Pants Trousers

Parking lot Car park

Pencil eraser Rubber

Period (punctuation). Full stop

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/J1ngsOZUvSo

Next time: Bug off, ya hoser!

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!