Readers: You kept telling us: “Hey! You’ve done several segments on bad TV news, but you missed this other dumb thing TV said!” Far be it from us to deny our fans.

1. *“In early May, a decayed body with a gunshot wound was discovered inside a metal barrel on the lake’s floor. Local police say that case is being treated as a homicide.”
*“The wealthy couple both were found strangled, half-sitting by their pool, fully dressed, with belts tied around their necks and tied to the pool rail. Police called the deaths suspicious…”
You think?

2. “The officer was a 10-year veteran of the force.”
The Horribly Wrong team honors the service and sacrifice of our law enforcement officers, and has no problem with “veteran.” The problem: As with “around the corner,” how do you quantify “veteran?” We’re good with “50-year veteran.” What about, “ten-year veteran?” What about, “one month veteran?” You see the problem. In dilemmas such as these, we often advise to “write around it.” You can say, “The officer, with 10 years on the force…”

3. “Police have arrested a suspect in Saturday night’s drive-by shooting.”
All the way back on June 20, 2021, we talked about how “suspect” has been misused for decades. In this case, it was used properly. But you don’t need it! It’s redundant. Use the space you save to drop in more facts: “Police arrested a 21-year-old Gotham City man in Saturday night’s drive-by shooting.”

4. “New changes coming to Netflix.”
What would constitute an old change? Just say “changes.”

5. “…he accepted his Academy Award.”
“…the candidate said in his acceptance speech.”
Yes, yes. We know a few actors famously refused their Oscars. But it’s happened very rarely (three times). As for candidates, we also note in fairness that at times in history, it was the convention that came to the person. And we know that the big moment always is when the candidate says, “I accept your nomination.” But we’d be curious to find a case of a politician working like a dog to get nominated and then saying, “Uhh, never mind.” Better choices are “received his Academy Award” and “his nomination speech” or “his victory speech after being nominated.”

6. "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."
This cliché always is associated with scams, but it’s good advice, so we might let it go, in the interest of preventing more victimizations.

7. “An arrest has been made in the bombing that brought down Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland in 1988, killing 270. It was the worst terrorist attack on British soil.”
This is OK. One might say, “The explosion was not on British soil. It was thousands of feet in the air.” But the “attack” technically occurred when the bomb was planted on the plane before it left London’s Heathrow Airport. (An aside: Horribly Wrong always has argued that, technically, the worst terrorist attack would be one where nothing happens. Sadly, incidents such as these represent the best terrorist attacks. Wish they all stunk.)

8. “Our Nancy Jones is at City Hall. Nancy, we understand the meeting’s about to start.”
“You’re absolutely right, Jim.”
A little inside baseball: TV borrows from lawyers: Never ask a question for which you don’t know the answer. When TV prepares for “live shots,” it arranges in advance reporters’ exchanges with anchors. That’s just playing safe. But it’s kind of silly when a reporter suggests an anchor just won Final Jeopardy. For once, we’d like to hear a reporter tell an anchor, “Uhh, no, Jim. You’re dead wrong.”

9. “That’s the latest from City Hall. Back to you in the studio.”
“Thank you, Nancy.”
Eliot has fought this since he himself was in TV news a lifetime ago. At the end of a report, why is the anchor thanking the reporter? For just doing her job? And what’s with “Thank you very much for that report.” Or, “Thank you so much.” Really? You never see a newspaper or a magazine article or book end with, “I’m Nancy’s editor. Thank you, Nancy!”

And one more….

Have you ever seen, or heard, someone you recognize as a news anchor or reporter, interview some company owner about his or her product, and ask questions such as “How does that protect in a hurricane"?” or “Does that really grow hair back?” And the person always has a great answer. These folks are selling you something! Actually, they’re selling you a lie. The “journalist” is out of the business and being paid to exploit audience recognition to make you believe you’re watching a newscast instead of a commercial.

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/YkC6uxHeqmU

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:
Writer and occasional “Horribly” contributor Eva Ivonne Olson questions a line in our July 9, 2023 segment: “Several warning signs say you shouldn’t be driving.” She writes, “Signs cannot speak. I think this sentence should read: ‘Several warning signs indicate you shouldn't be driving.’’
Lou Ann, our rules committee opines:
“Objects can say without speaking. Dictionary says:
Say, transitive verb
3a: indicate, show
“The clock says five minutes after twelve.”
We therefore DENY the motion, with appreciation for the discussion. Keep ‘em coming!

Next time: More dumb things sports people say.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!