Calling all Strunks!
We refer of course to followers of William Strunk Jr., whose 1918 Elements of Style remains a bible for good writers. The Strunk Rule: “Avoid unnecessary words.” They slow your writing! Remove the suspicious word or words, and see if the sentence still works. If it does, omit!
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“The real reason Will Smith slapped…’’
The next ride over got it right.
A bite to eat? Huh? How about just “for a bite?” Or just, “to eat?” And just say, “didn’t have time.” (Note: The place’s name was not “Wolfie’s Sandwich Shop.” It was just “Wolfie’s.” So you would lower-case “sandwich shop.”)
Spray it in your nose nasally? Hope so. How about just “…in each nostril as needed three times a day.”
Again: These say, “personal identification number number.” And, “vehicle identification number number.” Don’t they?
One more time: If you’re a felon, you’re convicted. Right? So just say”felon.”
There are several warning signs present that this sentence is way too wordy! If a sentence starts with “there are,” you nearly always can remove that phrase. Let’s fix this: “Several warning signs say you shouldn’t be driving.”
We’ve mentioned that, in most cases, “bodies” are understood to be dead. But without context, “Bodies may carry COVID-19 for days” could suggest live people. We’d counsel using “corpses,” or “cadavers,” but some might find that unseemly. So the Rules Committee grudgingly allows “dead bodies" in the interest of clarity, which really is our prime objective. (PS: “May”suggests permission. Change to “could.”)
And we go to the video archives for Segment 47: That’s just wrong! https://youtu.be/qeTM-1-GWoE
Readers: People have suggested at times that the “Horribly Wrong” team is just a bit too snarky, and a bit too nit-picky. In the interest of fair play, we invite you to submit examples of that from previous columns. Submit to eliot@eliotkleinberg.com!
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!