Way back on Feb. 14, 2021, we talked about the importance of tight writing. Today we revisit the issue, courtesy of an old book Eliot found on his bookshelf.
The biggest sin in writing, after fact errors and bad grammar, is failing to write tight. You might ask a reader why she stopped reading your book. She’ll say: “Hmmm. I don’t know. It just was a slog.” Or, “It just dragged.” Or, “It took forever.” Often, it’s not that you did a large segment that went nowhere. Although Lord knows that happens. Rather, you just filled your story with a million passive sentences. And wordy sentences! They’re the equivalent of potholes, or speed bumps, or knee-deep snow. They slow down the reader. Until maybe she just gives up.
Take a look at this passage. This is the opening to a book that someone actually sold to a publisher. It’s one sentence. Four hundred two words! (We realize we might get a nasty call from the author. We’ll take our chances.)

At the beginning of this segment, we mentioned a book Eliot found on his shelf. It’s called The Word.
Subtitled An Associated Press Guide to Good News Writing, it was written in 1982 by Rene J. Cappon, a revered AP editor who died at 83 in 2007. Eliot bought the book some time in the 1980s.
It covers much of the same advice you’ve gotten from “Horribly Wrong.” Plus a ton more. Naturally, in an outfit such as AP, an extra word is far more damaging than in a full-length book. But even if you plan to write novels instead of hard news — or, for that matter, a press release or company manual — every page of The Word is packed with valuable advice.

As with Strunk and White’s Elements of Style, which “Horribly Wrong” featured on April 10, 2022, The Word is about quality writing. Which, more often than not, means tight writing.
“Bloated language is all around us,” Cappon wrote.
He praised this 1949 lead by AP writer Hal Boyle: “OMAHA BEACH, Normandy (AP) — It is D-Day plus five years, soldier, on this sandy coast where the world hinged on what you did.”
Cappon wrote that “Not every news subject can be handled in exactly that style, but all news writing should aim at that sort of simplicity and directness.”

Here are more examples by Cappon of wordy writing and his fixes:

• “It is unusual in the Legislature to have a conference committee of more than four members.”
  ”A conference committee with more than four members is unusual.”

• “Crimes of a violent nature are increasing.”
  ”Violent crimes are increasing.”

• “The loss of skilled workers will be a crippling factor in the economy of Iran.”
  ”The loss of skilled workers will cripple the economy of Iran.”

• “He is an acknowledged leader in the medical field.”
  ”He is a leader in medicine.”

• “In terms of home prices and availability, young couples today are virtually excluded from the housing market.”
  ”Few young couples today can find houses they can afford.”

Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/ec4BJYZV5s8

Next time: May the good news be yours.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!