The Grammar Police Rogues’ Gallery
IMDB
Readers: When we started “Something Went Horribly Wrong,” we scheduled our segments to post every other week, and in the off week, we’d post real-life examples of bad writing, as submitted by our “Grammar Police.” As we approach our 60th (!!) “Horribly Wrong” segment next week, today we bring you the most outrageous “Grammar Police” submissions. Well, up to now. We expect to find plenty more as we go. Remember: We don’t identify sources, because our goal is not to humiliate, but to teach.
From June 26, 2022: We covered this in an August 2021 segment on the maligned comma. Correct: “Do not use if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant or while you are breastfeeding.”
From May 29, 2022: Here’s another bad comma assembly. Should be, “on foot, on a bike, or via horse-drawn carriage.” The rest is fine. Oh no! Wait! We missed one! The island is the size of a doormat?
From June 26, 2022: Well, yeah, the waiter said sheepishly. Should be “fried goat cheese balls.”
From May 15, 2022: OK. It’s a contentious subject. That’s no excuse for cowardly writing. This is the old double qualifier. The first sentence is correct. Not the second. “Suggests” already is a qualifier. You don’t need “could.” A better phrasing would be: “Draft opinion says court would overturn Roe v. Wade.” (PS: While “vs.” is OK for sporting events, the writing “style” for court cases is just “v.” with a period.)
From Nov. 14, 2021: This ad doesn’t know who’s who. Both sentences refer to the potential customer, not the jeweler. Change the first sentence to “How much is your jewelry worth?”
From Oct. 3, 2021: While researching newspaper archives for a project unrelated to “Horribly Wrong,” our team discovered the same mistakes it finds now. This is from 1935! When it comes to bad grammar, when will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?
From Oct. 31, 2021: Aargh! It’s Santa! Already! And while he might know how to make a list, these folks don’t. Here’s what this says:
Santa said you were naughty.
Santa said you were nice.
Santa said you were laughed out loud.
Correct:
Santa:
Said you were naughty
Said you were nice.
Laughed out loud.
From Sept. 5, 2021: This literally says, “ten million dollars dollars.”
From Oct. 31, 2021: The horror of the misplaced modifier! Sounds like the quiet and careful observer is very skittish! Apparently, observers also prefer to hunt at night and sleep during the day.
From Aug. 22, 2021: These guys want to change how time works. Just say, “…leaves every 20 minutes starting on the hour.”
CNN
From Nov. 28, 2021: We give cops a break, since they don’t have to be great writers. But this one's a doozy. Under what circumstances would someone consent to being run over?
From Jan. 9, 2022: This came up when the same thing happened to former President Trump. “Suspend” implies something temporary, so “permanently suspends” is wrong. Just say “bans.” Actually, it might be more accurate to say “suspends indefinitely," because we can’t say Twitter won’t later change its corporate mind.
From Feb. 6, 2022: This headline is saying no city is able to get a train station. Huh? Say, “Not every city gets a train station.”
From Nov. 14, 2021: One. One. One in nine Americans faces food insecurity.
Tom Peeling
From May 2, 2021: We’re afraid to look!
And we go to the video archives for Segment 41: TV, TV, TV. https://youtu.be/7Hf1c_2g7PQ
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!