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The great statesman Ben Franklin was many things. “Horribly Wrong” loves ol’ Ben because, as a printer, he knew all too well the importance of tight writing, something we covered in February 2021 and July 2023.
There’s an anecdote told in many sources, including H.W. Brands’ The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin, a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.
Detail of Jefferson and Franklin in “Signing of the Declaration of Independence.”. John Trumbull. Library of Congress,
The Continental Congress was voting on Thomas Jefferson’s wording of the Declaration of Independence. Jefferson complained to Franklin about the members’ voluminous editing nitpicks.
Ben told him a story of the man who had apprenticed as a hatter and now was about to open his own shop. The man asked friends to opine about his proposed wording of the sign that would hang outside. It would have an image of a hat, followed by:
“John Thompson, hatter, makes and sells hats for ready money.”
One person noted the sign already said Thompson sold hats. So “hatter” was crossed out.
Then one said people didn’t care who made the hats if they were of good quality. “Makes and” was deleted.
One person argued people just would presume Thompson didn't sell on credit, so “for ready money,” meaning cash only, wasn’t necessary.
Now the sign said just, “John Thompson sells hats,” with the picture of the hat.
But, one contended, who needs “sells?” No one expected Thompson to give them away.
And another argued you don’t need the word “hat” because one was painted right on the sign.
So now it would say just “John Thompson,” with the picture of the hat.
In Eliot’s long career, he had editors who’d have gone one step further than the poor hatter’s friends. The man was just starting out. His name meant nothing. Just show the picture of the dang hat!
And some tellers of the hatter story argue it’s about the danger of cutting too much! After all, Moby Dick is a massive volume, but you could tell the story (SPOILER COMING!) in fifteen words: “An obsessed ship captain chases the whale who took his leg. The whale drowns him.” But why? You’d have no book.
So, as always, dear reader, the Horribly Wrong team advises that the answer is somewhere in between. Moby Dick is 209,117 words. The Old Man and the Sea is 27,000. Both are masterpieces. As we have done for now nearly 90 segments, we counsel you to find your own voice.
Watch this on video: https://youtu.be/oSA2YcBmVv4?si=483PK1Jc3aICJ5DT
Next time: Don’t jump the shark!
Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we can can credit you properly. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com
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NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!
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