From the Grammar Police

On the Stump

Not the Democrats worst nightmare. This candidate is the Democrat’s worst nightmare. No, that’s wrong. There’s more than one Democrat. Should be “Democrats’ worst nightmare.” (An aside: “Worst nightmare” is a cliché. Also, what would be your best nightmare?)

Same campaign. Only candidate who keeps Biden up. “That” for objects, “who” for people.

We’ve covered this before. “Like” means “similar to.” So this ad says we need to elect people who are similar to this guy. Which means other than this guy. Probably not what the campaign meant. Should be, “…send experienced leaders such as XXX to Congress.”

The past tense of “lead” is “led.” You learned that in fourth grade.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 25: Bad anatomy. https://youtu.be/mGbzbheMs0E

Calling all readers! Do you cringe when someone spells Jimmy Buffett as Buffet? Or describes someone from the Philippines as “Philippine” — or worse, “Phillipine” — instead of “Filipino”? Send your examples of bad spellings and identifications of people. places and things to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

From the mailbag: Our Aug. 14, 2022, post on “unforced errors” prompted loyal reader Mark McKee to suggest "could of, would of, should of" were corruptions of “could've, would've, should've.” Mark, you might be on to something!

Grovel: Some of you might have spotted the goof in our Aug. 21 post. (We fixed it online but it went through in the mailing). The post said an ad ran “a year ago yesterday, on Sept. 4, 2021. “ We originally had planned to post that in our Sept. 4, 2022, segment. We decided to move it up but forgot to fix the date reference. And the previous post was on Sept. 5, 2021. Our bad!

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 43: Lazy

Unsplash.com/JC Gellidon

Just after Herman Melville published Moby Dick, and decades before that novel would be recognized as a classic, Melville penned a short story called "Bartleby the Scrivener." A scrivener, or a scribe, is essentially a public scribbler, similar to what secretaries did before the ease of computers gave lazy bosses no excuse not to do the work themselves. Reporters are scriveners. A little more than that, we’d like to think. They report what they see in documents. They try to translate it from the bureaucratic, but sometimes they're, well, lazy.

We’ve posted segments about “disqualifiers,” in which writers made fatal mistakes about history, anatomy and geography. Those subject areas also are rife with examples of writing that isn’t so much wrong as lazy. We often have said that good writing is about clarity. In that vein, we’ve said that sometimes it’s not a matter of using the right word but, rather, using a better word. Sometimes you have to try to know the mind of the reader. But we argue that it’s better to add a few words for those who aren’t sure.

A lazy reporter might write this: ‘Investigators have cited ‘spatial disorientation’ in Thursday's fatal crash off San Diego.”

An enterprising reporter might write this: “Socked in by fog in Southern California's notorious ‘June Gloom,’ the pilot in Thursday's fatal crash didn't know which way was up in the moments before he slammed into San Diego Bay, investigators have concluded.”

The second lead not only imparted more information, it provided a punch that made people want to read the story.

An article on a 2019 Bahamas helicopter crash listed "spatial disorientation," but never said what it is! The reader can kind of guess, but then she'd be doing the reporter's work. How hard would it have been to add the following paragraph, which Eliot did include in one of his plane crash report stories:

“...’spatial disorientation,’ a sometimes-fatal bane of pilots, in which they lose all visual contact with the ground or ocean and even the horizon, as well as their grip on their speed, location, and direction, and even if they’re facing up.”

That not only helps the reader, it again provides even more punch.

In journalism school, we were taught, “‘assume’ makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.’” It still is a good rule. In July 2021, a story about a CNN documentary on the “sitcom” never defined “sitcom.” The term’s been around so long, most readers probably don’t know it’s a contraction of “situation comedy,” which, when you say it, makes the concept of a “sitcom” crystal clear. Don’t assume!

Here’s an example that comes right down to your front yard. At times, Eliot arranged for his lawn to be sprayed for bugs. He’d come home at the end of the day to find the sign at top. Here’s a typical phone conversation:

“I’m home. You sign says to stay off until the lawn is dry. Is it?”
”Yes. It was dry about two hours after we applied the treatment.”
”When did you apply it?”
”About 2 p.m.”
”How was I supposed to know that?“
Silence.
”So it’s dangerous for my children and my pets to go on the lawn before it’s dry. But you’ve not given me a clue as to when that is.”

We’ve called this the “contempt of familiarity.” How hard would it be to grab a Sharpie, as shown in the second sign?

The third sign had the right design, but, well, the technician forgot his Sharpie.

The fourth sign did include a Sharpie, but the time the pesticide was applied is worthless if the sign doesn’t say how long it takes for the lawn to dry.

A minor nit? Not if your two-year-old shoots out the front door and face-plants in the lawn.

Here are more examples where the writer failed to take a few extra minutes to make the story more clear. Or just assumed (!!!!!!!) the reader knew what he/she meant. And, maybe, aggravated the transgression by including unnecessary stuff!

1. The new restaurant is at 9560 Glades Road, Suite 115.

The new restaurant is on Glades Road, across from the Palm Beach County Library, between Lyons Road and State Road 7.” Don’t presume your readers, who could live far from the place about which you’re writing, have a clue what that address means. Sure, nowadays, they just can look it up on their phone. But remember: anytime a reader has to stop reading your story to look up something you wrote, you’ve failed. And why bother with the suite number?

2. Cincinnati police say the shooting suspect had bought his gun in Lawrenceville, Ga.

See #1. Do people in Cincinnati know where Lawrenceville, Ga. is? Most probably don’t. How hard is it to say, “…bought his gun in the Atlanta suburb of Lawrenceville, Ga.”

3. Schnellenberger was born on March 16, 1934, in Saint Meinrad, Indiana. His parents were German-American. The family eventually moved to Louisville…

Eliot’s wife is from Indiana and neither she nor her mother ever heard of Saint Meinrad. How about: “Schnellenberger was born to German-American parents on March 16, 1934, in Saint Meinrad, Indiana, about an hour west of Louisville, to where his family eventually moved.”

4. Oak Park is about 9 miles from Chicago.

The center of Oak Park might be 9 miles from the center of Chicago, but if you walk east from the Oak Park village hall (Eliot’s done it), you cross into the city of Chicago not in 9 miles, but in about 8 blocks. Say, “Oak Park is about 9 miles west of downtown Chicago.” (And yes, we did drop in “west of” for clarity.)

5. Police said the man fractured his ulna.

“Police said the man fractured his forearm.”

6. In 1990, Bush loved to go bonefishing in the Keys with the likes of Brian Mulroney.

Americans are shamefully ignorant of that big country just north of them. We have to help them. Did you know who Brian Mulroney was? Maybe. In this case, adding just four words makes sure: “In 1990, Bush loved to go bonefishing in the Florida Keys with the likes of then-Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney.” (Yes, sharp readers; we added a fifth word, “Florida.” Because most people in North America know the Keys are in Florida, but not all.)

YouTube

FBI

7. When he arrived in Washington to take his seat in Congress, Anderson moved into a townhouse once owned by Alger Hiss.

See “Mulroney.” Many people today weren’t alive in 1948. Say: “When he arrived in Washington to take his seat in Congress, Anderson moved into a townhouse once owned by Alger Hiss, the federal staffer accused in 1948 of having spied for the Soviet Union.”

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/3y6r-xFW9Ig

Next time: What’s in the stew?

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

From the Grammar Police

This outfit wins our first-ever “Chronic Award.” We showed this ad about year ago, on Sept. 5, 2021. We’re not so smug as to presume everyone reads our column. And we don’t contact offenders. That would shift us from observers to activists. But you’d think after a year, someone would have let these people know. Or that, if they knew, they’d fix it. Nope. As of today, the ad still ran exactly this way. In case you forgot, the ad literally says, “ten million dollars dollars.”

Clarity, clarity, clarity! Who supported Trump’s impeachment? Murkowski or her challenger? If you follow the news, you know it was Murkowski. But not everyone does. If the reader has to go look it up, the news outlet has failed. (And, by the way, Murkowski didn’t just support Trump’s impeachment, she supported his conviction. By now, most of us should know the difference. Clarity!)

Remember “Mother may I?” That’s what “may” means. It means you have permission. People often confuse it with “can,” which means “able to.” You “can” reach for a cookie, but it’s up to mother whether you “may” have one. In this case, “may” is used to mean “might,” but that’s wrong. If you feel “might” suggests a small probability, don’t say “could,” because he certainly is able to do it. Say, “judge considers unsealing…”

Baruch Kahana

Umm, she already was missing before she vanished?

Eliot always has had a problem with “nuclear test.” A euphemism is “a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.” That’s what this is. You technically might be testing the thing. But it seems “test” minimizes the news that someone on this planet EXPLODED A NUCLEAR BOMB! We believe in clarity and impact. But since this is a judgment call, we throw it out to our readers. Discuss!

And we go to the video archives for Segment 24: Bad history. https://youtu.be/HzAwRcjI53w

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 42: Unforced errors

Sarah Kilian/Unsplash

The great thing about a blog dedicated to bad writing is that we have an exhaustive supply of material. Here are examples of people making third-grader mistakes they could avoid if they thought about it for just a second.

1. Could of, would of, should of.

Could have, would have, should have.

2. He faced backwards in line.

Backward.

3. Beside, you’re ugly, too.

“Beside” means “next to.” “Besides” means other than, and is grammatically correct in this context, even if the statement is rude.

4. He had an enlarged prostrate and had to lie prostate.

The prostate is the organ that causes men so much trouble. “Prostrate” is lying flat.

5. The advertisement peeked my interest. The advertisement peaked my interest.

You mean “piqued.”

6. “Today is my best friend in the world’s birthday!”

We don’t know where to start with this mess. Yes we do. “Today is the birthday of my best friend in the world.”

7. “Police found the dead body near a creek.”

In this context, “dead body” is redundant. Remember: Say the sentence without the word and see if it still works. Write like you are paying by the word!

8. “I will call you no later then 7 pm.”

Many people stumble on then/than. They did this time. Correct: “I will call you no later than 7 p.m.” (Special thanks to loyal reader Debi Murray.)

9. “We’ll return to the second act of ‘Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar’ after this message.”

You’re not returning to the second act. You’re returning to the show. You can’t return to the second act if you haven’t gotten there yet. Say, “We’ll return for the second act.”

10. “Stay tuned for the greatest spectacle in sports.”

10 . Eliot’s wife is from Indianapolis, so naturally they watch the Indianapolis 500 car race on TV every year. This line, said before every commercial, always threw Eliot. Shouldn’t it be, “Stay tuned for more of the greatest spectacle in sports”?

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/9Nxlrpxeb0I

Next time: Lazy is as lazy does.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

From the Grammar Police

Part of the Horribly Wrong team recently enjoyed a visit to the great north wood’s. it seem’s misusing apostrophe’s is as mandatory as fishing license’s!

And we go to the video archives for Segment 23: Bad geography. https://youtu.be/r3bSrxAE3MU

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 41: You thought we were done with TV?

Last year, we spent a lot of time beating up on TV news. To be candid, the industry gives us a lot of material. So much that we had to create yet another segment.

1. "Officials were tight-lipped.”

How does that work? Do they actually stand in front of cameras with their lips tightly pressed? No. It’s a brutal cliché.

2. “The woman said the robber frightened her to death.”

She made an amazing recovery.

3. “The robbers shot the store owner as his family watched in horror.”

Brutal cliché.

4. “The community is in mourning.”

We'd like to think so. But how do you know? The Horribly Wrong team lives in a county with more than 1.5 million people and many communities. We’ll bet most didn’t even hear about the murder in question, and certainly aren’t mourning it. You can’t even say for sure that a neighborhood is in mourning unless you went door-to-door.

5. “The lawyer literally bled his clients dry.”

Don’t say “literally” unless you literally mean literally. Otherwise you’ve gone and hired an embalmer as your attorney.

6. “… brutal stabbing.”

When is a stabbing gentle? (Special thanks to Palm Beach Post alumnus Mitch McKenney)

7.  “…shots rang out.”

Like the bells of St. Mary’s.

8. “It was a recipe for disaster.”

Needs more salt.

9. “According to two sources close to the issue, the New York Times reports that the president knew…”

Do you need sources to learn what the Times reported? A street rack would have done the trick. The writer might have meant the Times was quoting two sources. Which would make this a misplaced modifier.

10.  “Two dolphins who beached themselves in the Florida Keys are recovering at a nearby marine lab.”

We covered this sausage-making in a February 2022 segment. TV feels it must put everything in present tense. So it doesn’t want to say the dolphins had been transported to a marine lab. That’s past tense. But here’s the problem. We don’t know if they’re recovering. Do we? Not everyone who goes to a hospital recovers, sad to say. In this case, it gets worse. People —including, presumably reporters — who live near the sea know that when a marine mammal beaches, it nearly always dies. And in fact, just minutes after reporting the dolphins were “recovering,” the anchor reported they had died.

11. “Police have many questions but few answers.”

You don’t say.

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/7Hf1c_2g7PQ

Next time: Unforced errors

From the Mailbag: “We cant forget the improper use of apostrophe's. What's worse is that I see them being used inconsistently. For some reason, people cant make up there mind's - use apostrophe's for plural's or dont use apostrophes for plurals? I'm no master of the English language, but it can't be that hard to remember. (All error's, including this one, are intentional - I hope.)” — Dave Barak

Dave: Funny you should mention. Well be visitin’g misused apostrophe’s next week! Stay tune’d!

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

We recently enjoyed a summer visit to New England. Fall is the time for bright colors. But anytime is a good time to keep an eye out for red circles.

Waiting on these machines leaves time to peruse. The waffles were good; the grammar not so much. First, why is “Not” capitalized? Also, the comma after “not” needs to go. And how does the “there” disaster happen in a society with public schools?

The sentiment is noteworthy. But good Americans are loyal to good grammar as well. Free yourself from misused commas! Use after “store” and “floor.” Use a colon after “USA.” And “Buy American” should end in a period. It matters.

Sautéed peppers and onions, we salute you!

And we go to the video archives for Segment 22: Style. https://youtu.be/Goq4t5nC0aw

From the mailbag: “A unit that heats the air is called a heater, but a unit that cools the air is called an air conditioner. In my home, I don’t want to “condition” the air; I want to cool it. How did this happen? — Dr. Baruch E. Kahana

The “Horribly Wrong” team is familiar with air conditioning. We live in Florida! Eliot wrote more than once about John Gorrie, the 19th -century Florida panhandle doctor who, searching for ways to cool air around yellow fever patients, developed the concept that would become air conditioning. Since that removed the only hurdle to everyone moving to Florida — which everyone pretty much did — Gorrie is either a saint or the devil! Here’s the answer to the doctor’s question. A/C doesn’t just cool air. It removes humidity, which we know ups the misery factor. Here’s more about the history of A/C from the Smithsonian Institution:

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 40: More clichés coming right around the corner

Readers: In April 2021, we listed words or phrases that were so clever, people overused them. That’s the definition of a cliché. Here are more examples:

• A clean bill of health.

• A senseless murder (When’s the last time you saw a sensible one?)

• An untimely death. (We’ll argue few people would say someone’s death was timely)

• Out of an abundance of caution…

• Right around the corner.

• It fell on deaf ears.

• They’re lucky to be alive.

• Worst-case scenario

• A drop in the bucket

• Bundle of joy

• “Our thoughts and prayers are with the family…” (Many people are sincere. But we surmise that many others, after saying this, don’t think about, or pray for, the family at all.)

• “He was at the wrong place at the wrong time." (Even if it wasn’t a cliché, it probably isn’t true. Rarely is a person at both the wrong place and the wrong time. A person caught in a gang shootout while waiting at a bus stop was at the right place at the wrong time. And a person waiting at a bus stop who stepped out into the path of the arriving bus was at the wrong place at the right time.)

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/AcsAxDk5Fxo

Next time: We pick on TV news. Again.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

Heat-related brain freezes?

Keith Nelson

We all would support safety standards against hate. All three items in this graphic were about heat.

Michele Smith

We checked other stories about this. It definitely referred to drones. Not drowning.

Milt Baker

We love the Coast Guard and thank its members for their service. Its motto is “always prepared.” But whoever wrote this didn’t do a lot of preparation. First, not everyone knows “Spirit of Norfolk” is the name of a ship. So we’re envisioning the town of Norfolk, Va., having a fire that had a spirit that was extinguished. Huh? Then the writer reached for a misplaced modifier which suggested an extinguished fire was towed to a shipyard. Here’s an easy fix: “Update: Fire out; Spirit of Norfolk towed to shipyard.”

Would that be the left side of Gilligan’s aisle?

Jill Miranda Baker

We’ve been looking at this phrase for years, and suddenly it hit us: In retail, everything is sold, “first come, first served.” Discuss?

And we go to the video archives for Segment 21: Prepositions. https://youtu.be/vkgrc3zTO7U

Items before the Assizes:
Oyez, Oyez, Oyez! On the docket:
Longtime friend and loyal reader Art Fyvolent asked the Rules Committee to revisit this item in our July 3, 2022, segment: “The professor’s opinions do not represent the views of the university.”
We posited that the university surely agrees with the professor on some things, so it must say the professor’s opinions “do not necessarily represent…” But, Art said, what if a professor wrote one particular essay in which the university does, indeed, disagree with every word? Art suggested such a statement would read, “The professor’s opinions on this issue do not represent the views of the university.” We concur.
Another reader pointed out that the original statement could mean the university as an institution has a particular set of positions and the professor’s writings clash. So say that.
And yet another said it could mean the professor wasn’t authorized to speak on behalf of the school. OK. The school should say that.
We again cite William Strunk’s byword: Clarity, clarity, clarity!

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 39: More Lightning Bugs

Natural History Museum of Utah

Readers: In a 2020 segment, we showed instances of writers failing to make the distinction between lightning and lightning bugs. They used words that weren’t quite right. Which means, of course, that they were wrong. Here are more examples:

1. Past and present military veterans receive free coffee all month.

What would constitute a past veteran?

2. On Saturday, alleged gunman Robert Powers stormed into the Tree of Life synagogue…

So he definitely stormed into the synagogue but he’s only an alleged gunman? How about: “Police say Robert Powers, armed with —-, stormed into the Tree of Life Synagogue on Saturday.”

3. Most everyone loved Elvis.

Almost everyone loved Elvis.

4. I was nauseous from the nauseating fumes.

While usage has rendered “nauseous” acceptable for someone who feels sick, the "Horribly Wrong" team doesn't like it. Remember: Sometimes it's a question not of the wrong or right word, but the better word. "Nauseous" and "nauseating" really refer to something that makes you sick. If you are sick, say you are nauseated.

5. TV commercial: "Science projects for kids 0-16."
Church notice: "During services, we provide child care for children from birth to 8."

What exactly would be age 0? And is the church expecting babies to come to their care straight from the birth canal? Say "Science projects for kids up to 16." And, "child care for children up to 8."

6. Our train was late thanks to an obstacle on the track.

Say “thanks to” when you mean it. “Thanks to you, great voters, I’m now the mayor.” But ”Our train was late because of an obstacle on the track.”

7. The professor’s opinions do not represent the views of the university.

While we always are preaching “the fewer words, the better,” in this case, you need to add a word before “represent.” It’s “necessarily.” Otherwise you’re saying the university definitely disagrees with every single piece of opinion the professor ever has uttered. That’s extremely unlikely, and even if it’s the case, you don’t know that, do you?

8. An Army spokeswoman said the officer would be “assigned to duties commiserate to his rank and experience.”

It might be that the spokeswoman commiserated with the officer, but the word she wanted was “commensurate.”

9. “Jethro done gone swimming in the cement pond.”

The Beverly Hillbillies’ pool was made of concrete, not cement. Cement is the powder that, when mixed, becomes concrete.

10. The Dolphins agreed to trade Parker to the New England Patriots on Saturday.

This literally means the team decided at some previous date to trade the player, effective Saturday. But that’s not what happened. Move one word and the meaning becomes clear: “The Dolphins agreed Saturday to trade Parker to the New England Patriots.”

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/8vgBB189QNY

Next time: More clichés hitting you like a ton of bricks.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

Didn’t you get the memo?

We covered this in our August 2021 segment on the maligned comma. Correct: “Do not use if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant or while you are breastfeeding.”

We covered this in our February 2022 segment on bad ads. In this paragraph, two people are talking. The one in the first sentence is you. The one in the second sentence is the drug store. How does no one notice this? Correct: “Do you want to pick these up at XXX? We’ll call or text you…”"

We covered this in a March 2021 segment. “Beleaguered” means beset. “Embattled” does not. It means to be prepared for battle.

We’ve covered this before. The magic word is not “senators.” It’s “group.” “Group of senators reaches deal on…”

We’ve explained that tight writing sometimes is too tight, and morphs into lazy writing. We know where the massacre occurred. But where have these people gathered? In a church? An arena? And what if they were in San Antonio? (Bonus nit: “Community members” is news-speak and a cliché. It’s the same as “litter box filler.” Say “Uvalde residents” or just “people.” )

A February 2021 segment talked about writing as if you were paying by the word. And our April 2022 segment on “Elements of Style” quoted William Strunk’s gospel: “Avoid unnecessary words.” We cut this announcement in half. You don’t have to write for a living to be a good writer.

We will visit a similar goof in next week’s segment! This line is saying the player’s setback was Monday. It was weeks ago. Monday was the day he rejoined the team. Correct: “Point rejoined practice with the full team on Monday. He had skated on his own or with the Lightning’s extra players in the weeks since his setback.”

And we go to the video archives for Segment 20: Its not that hard. https://youtu.be/Pih1IvLnQJA

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

SEGMENT 38: "Your stupid minds. Stupid! Stupid!!"

Amazon.com

Readers: In college, Eliot attended a Halloween triple-feature. Each “horror” film was more laughably bad than the one before it. The main feature blew his mind, as people said in the 1970s. It's been declared the greatest bad movie of all time. We speak of course about the one, the only, Plan 9 from Outer Space.

Among aficionados of camp, you don't even have to say the film's whole name. Plan 9 is enough. Eliot and his two sons, now grown, have viewed it so many times they use lines from it as running jokes. None more so than alien Eros (Eros? Really?) lecturing earthlings that they are victims of “your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!”

Perhaps you’ve seen the 1994 Johnny Depp movie Ed Wood, about the man behind Plan 9 and other so-bad-they're-hilarious cult classics such as Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Monster.

Do yourself a favor. Find the original Plan 9, available on streaming services for a small price or even for free. There's even a colorized version, which only enhances the bungling brilliance of Edward D. Wood Jr.

For purposes of this segment, we won't touch the errors of astronomy, physics and biology, or the mind-numbing plot, or the wooden acting, not to mention the crazy visual contradictions of day and night and short and tall, or the failed mouth-to-dialogue synchronizations, continuity errors, and more, too many to mention. And those flying saucers!

https://mst3k.fandom.com/

No, we won't cover any of that. “Horribly Wrong” is a feature on bad writing. So we'll deal just with the redundancies, oxymorons, and other lines of dialogue that proudly violate each of the rules we've featured in previous segments.

“Horribly Wrong” readers are welcome to vote on, and submit, their rankings of bad lines. We’ll post the results, as well as our picks, in a future segment. There are no wrong answers!

Many an essay on Wood has pointed out that he truly believed he was creating masterpieces, and did not comprehend how preposterously bad his films were. So the "Horribly Wrong" team laughs not at Ed but with him.

• CRISWELL: "We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.”

• WOMAN MOURNER: "First his wife, then he."

• JEFF: "I saw a flying saucer."
  PAULA: "A saucer? You mean the kind from up there?" 

  JEFF: "Yeah, or its counterpart."


• EDWARDS: “Well, they must have a reason for their visits.”
  ARMY GUY: “Visits? Well that would indicate visitors!”

• LT. HARPER: "One thing's sure. Inspector Clay is dead. Murdered. And somebody's responsible!"

• EDWARDS: “They attacked a town. A small town, I'll admit. But nevertheless a town of people."

• EROS: "It has taken you centuries to even grasp what we developed eons of your years ago."

• EDWARDS: "This is the most fantastic story I've ever heard.”
  JEFF: "And every word of it's true, too."
  EDWARDS: "That's the fantastic part of it."

• LT. HARPER: "Modern women..."
  EDWARDS: "Yeah, they’ve been that way all down through the ages."

• EDWARDS: "Why is it so important that you want to contact the governments of our Earth?"
  EROS: "Because of death. Because all you of Earth are idiots!"

• CRISWELL: "Perhaps on your way home, you will pass someone in the dark, and you will never know it. For they will be from outer space!"

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/kjUVA87ZLbY

Next time: More of “Close, but no cigar.”

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

On the menu

theastrolab.com

Another food product contaminated with an apostrophe! Time to call the health department? How about Stir-frys. Yep. Looks wrong. But it’s right.

Warning: objectionable material!

Well, yeah, the waiter said sheepishly. Should be “fried goat cheese balls.”
(Did you get the “sheepishly” pun?)

Redundant redundancy alert! “Publicly reveal” is the same as “reveal.”

Kara Egizi

Watch that apostrophe! There’s more than one economist here. It’s economists’. (Joke: Economists have successfully predicted eight of the last five recessions!)

Melanie Mena

OK. Everyone knows what the writer meant. But it looks dumb. Get it right! Let’s cure the world of misplaced modifiers. Please! The principal doesn’t own the campus. Correct: “Two loaded guns belonging to XXX Academy principal found on campus.”

We covered this hyphen goof in our May 8 section on sports. The hyphen substitutes for “to.” So this reads, “between June 6 to June 9.” You can omit “between.” Really. (P.S.: use a colon after “postmaster” rather than a comma.)

We’ve covered this as well, in our September 2021 segment. This headline says all school intruders are different. Clearly that’s not true. Some intruders are alike. Should be: “Not all school intruders are alike.”

And we go to the video for Segment 19: Everyone Still Doesn’t Like Grammar. https://youtu.be/EpaisXp1J0s

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 37: More homophones

In recent segments, we told you about homophones, words that sound the same but have different meanings. We couldn’t get all the really horrid examples into one segment. Here’s more:

1. A symbol of Queen Elizabeth’s rein has been the many photos of her on horseback, reigns in hand.

A royal term is a reign. The things you use to steer horses are reins.

2. Drink “Ensure” to insure against brittle bones.

In this case, you have to use “ensure” twice. “Insure” isn’t colloquial; it deals strictly with the insurance industry.

3. The new faze of the moon didn’t phase her.

The phase didn’t faze.

4. He was weary of strangers and wary from having stayed awake all night.

He was wary of strangers and weary from being up all night. “Wary” means watchful. “Weary” means tired.

5. There’s one shocking death that ranks, for me, among the grizzliest (in a good way) in all movies.

This actually appeared in a national entertainment magazine. Unless a bear shot the guy, this was the grisliest.

6. I looked at the puppies and all I could say was “awe.”

You might have been in awe of the puppies, but you were saying, “aww.”

7. The nurse was a real trooper.

The term, for someone who overcomes obstacles, is spelled “trouper.” It’s a reference to show-business troupes whose members followed the edict, “the show must go on.” A trooper would be a soldier or a law enforcement officer.

8. The student poured over her textbook.

Nope. She pored over her textbook for hours, even after she accidentally poured coffee over it.

9. He was supposably a descendant of Napoleon. I didn’t believe it.

Wish we could say “supposably” isn’t a word. It is, but it has an obscure meaning and almost always is used wrong. It means “conceivably.” If you’re suggesting cynicism, you want “supposedly.”

10. Go outside and close the spiget. Go outside and close the spicket.

The outdoor faucet is a spigot.

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/IbiDXmT8y8w

Next time: “Dead. Murdered. And somebody’s responsible!”

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

Repeat Offenders

We addressed this last year and will address it every year, as a matter of respect. Memorial Day is not a happy day! It certainly is not an excuse to offer 15 percent off and remind customers about 20 percent discounts during happy hour. (This was an ad for a recreational marijuana shop.) It’s a day to remember our fallen military. If there is a day not to be happy, this is it! How about, "Have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend." (And don’t say “Happy Good Friday” or “Happy Yom Kippur.” Those also are solemn commemorations.)

We’ll explain this once more. You’ve said someone definitely rammed a gate and definitely was killed by a cop. Then you called him a suspect. Of what is he suspected?? Say this: “Cop fatally shoots man police say rammed gate at Florida school.”

Lou Ann Frala

Another writer falls for this grammatical optical illusion. You’re thinking singing and you desperately want to say “chord.” But touch your throat and think rope or cable. It’s a vocal cord.

We acknowledge the difficulties when you’re using all uppercase. But grammar rules are grammar rules. No apostrophe here! You could do UFOS, but that doesn’t really work. Or you could be clever and still use all uppercase except for UFOs.

Keith Nelson

Here’s another bad comma assembly. Should be, “on foot, on a bike, or via horse-drawn carriage.” The rest is fine. Oh no! Wait! We missed one! The island is the size of a doormat?

Does this business get frequent flyer points for adding extraneous quote marks?

These guys made the opposite mistake. How about:
….you need to get this free report called “Six Strategies to Beat Inflation.”

Keith Nelson

Once again, as a courtesy, we will not identify the major TV network that made these goofs. We’ve said we cut some slack for typos unless someone should know better, or the mistake is so egregious you can’t understand how no one caught it. Gauging? How about gouging? And the second slide has two mistakes. When making one-third a caption, you do just 1/3. No rd. As for increaed, well, we don’t know what to say,

Keith Nelson

And we go to the video archives for Segment 18: Everyone Doesn’t Like Grammar. https://youtu.be/Qog48LhZdKU

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 36: One word or two?

Readers: These pretty much are homophones. And just as wrong.

• “Layout” vs. “lay out.” You lay out a newspaper. When you’re done, you have a layout.

• Any time” vs. “anytime.” According to the webpage Thoughtco.com, "any time" means "at no particular time" or "any amount of time." As in: “I won’t have any time to finish.” But It must be two words when used with “at”: “violence could erupt at any time.” The single word “anytime” has more limited usage: ”We can leave anytime you’re ready.”  To remember when it can be used, substitute “whenever.”

• “Alright” vs. “all right.” According to grammarly.com, “alright” is a word society has butchered. Society eventually might force it on us, but for now it’s wrong.

 • “Awhile” vs. “a while.” According to Merriam-Webster, “'Awhile' is typically used to modify a verb: ‘I’m going to sit and read awhile.’ 'A while' is typically used after a preposition: ‘I’m going to read for a while longer.’”

• “Under way” vs. “underway.” According to grammarist.com, use “under way” in “The ship voyage is under way.” Use “underway” when it is an adjective preceding its noun (“The underway voyage was interrupted.”). The webpage says many publications have as their “style” (see our segment on style) to always use “underway.”

And from Columbia Journalism Review:

• “Everyday” vs. “every day.“ “Our everyday special is made in our kitchen every day.”  If you can substitute “ordinary,” use “everyday.”

• “Everyone “ vs. “every one.” “In the bags of potato chips I bought for everyone, every one was broken.” If you can substitute “each one,” use “every one.”

• “Onetime” vs. “one-time” or “one time.” “When he stole one time, he was a one-time thief; since he made a habit of it, but has since quit, he is a onetime thief.”

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/6fobNDldgjU

Next time: More of those pesky homophones.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

The Rules Committee likes hats. Without apostrophes.

Reminder: “less’ for volume, “fewer” for units. Less pain, one fewer thing to ruin your plans.

OK. It’s a contentious subject. That’s no excuse for cowardly writing. This is the old double qualifier. The first sentence is correct. Not the second. “Suggests” already is a qualifier. You don’t need “could.” A better phrasing would be: “Draft opinion says court would overturn Roe v. Wade.” (PS: While “vs.” is OK for sporting events, the writing “style” for court cases is just “v.” with a period.)

Holy cow! A triple qualifier!
Let’s look at options:
“Most commercially insured patients pay as little as $0 copay.” Nope. Still two.
“Commercially insured patients may pay as little as $0 copay.” Still two.
Oh! How about, ”Commercially insured patients pay as little as $0 copay.” Well, heck. That did it.
Be brave!

Here’s yet another example of a company that decided to cut overhead by not hiring a proofreader. Or by downsizing punctuation. This ad has more mistakes than not! Probably should be, “Are you being non-renewed or having a significant rate increase? Call us today. Representing A-rated carriers throughout the state.” Anyway, we think that’s right. No way to insure.

The story says “I.” But the byline lists two writers. Huh?

People in rooms 458 to 481: Good night, and good luck.

And we go to the video archives for Segment 17: The Comma Splice. https://youtu.be/uRLzHIdMJjg

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong" features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police.” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 35: Sports clichés, malaprops and chronic mistakes

Readers: We apologize in advance for beating up on sports writers. Many of our closest friends are sports writers. For years, Eliot’s dad wrote for, and later ran, the sports department at the old Miami News.

We understand how hard it is to write something clever and original when you’re the baseball writer, covering the second game of a three-game series in August between two last-place teams.

And, frankly, you are bombarded by athletes, coaches and fans who regularly throw around clichés or repeat errors, or bad grammar, or just dumb phrases. It’s no surprise that some of that rubs off on you.

Amazon.com

And don’t forget twisted phrases made legendary by people
such as baseball’s Yogi Berra. (“When you see a fork in the road, take it.”)

And we salute comedian Norm Crosby, the king of the malaprop, who died in November 2020. A malaprop is a word that mistakenly is used in place of one that sounds similar. Crosby did it for comedic effect. The New York Times cleverly opened his obituary with, “He spoke from his diagram and related many funny antidotes, often to a standing ovulation.” But we’re guessing many writers use malaprops out of ignorance.

Yogi Berra Museum

So avoid bad writing. Be brave!

1. The pitcher has been scuffling his last few games.

This horrible, horrible malaprop must have snuck into the country with the coronavirus! What the headline writer wanted to say is that the pitcher has been “struggling.” As in not doing so great. A “scuffle” is a fight, usually just shoving, between two guys at a bar.

2. Pushing and shoving

Pretty much redundant. A shove is a push that’s a little more forceful. If you’re talking about what happens in a baseball game after a pitcher throws at a batter’s head and players come running, “shoving” will do it.

3. Bench-clearing brawl

Not only is this a brutal cliché, it’s also wrong. If people are just pushing and shoving — or maybe just shoving — that’s not a brawl. To have a brawl, you need some serious punches thrown.

4. A walk-off homer

This one isn’t so much wrong as misplaced. In baseball, in case you don’t know, in the bottom of the ninth inning, if the score is tied or the home team is behind, it gets a last chance. If it then wins, it’s called a “walk-off.” But most fans presume the term refers to the winners. It doesn’t. It’s the visiting team that must walk off in defeat while the home team celebrates.

5. “They left it all on the field.”

All of it? Brutal cliché.

6. This offense is untracked.

Should be, ”On track.” Actually, they probably meant “off track.” Yes, announcers actually have said “untracked.”

7. ”Browns Cut Safety After Threatening To Kill Fans And Fight Reporters On Twitter.”

This actual tweet is a case of misplaced modifiers gone amok! So, the NFL football franchise threatened to kill fans. Then it threatened to fight reporters on Twitter. (Not sure how that works.) Then it fired one of its players. It takes real talent to jam so many grammatical mistakes into one sentence. Here’s what they meant: “Browns cut safety who threatened on Twitter to fight reporters and kill fans.” There. It now makes sense. And has one fewer word. And also is reordered so it ends on the punch line, killing fans.

8. Don Shula was an NFL head coach from 1963-95. He was in three Super Bowls between 1971-1973.

The hyphen stands for both “from" and "to.” So the "from" is redundant. Best way is to say Shula coached "from 1963 to 1995." Same thing with “between.” Say “He was in three Super Bowls between 1971 and 1973.”

9. The Red Sox clinched a win on the last play of the game. The White Sox clinched the playoffs on the last game of the season.    

Both are impossible. A team “clinches” when it puts itself in a position where it’s guaranteed a win/playoff berth before the game/regular season is over. You can’t clinch unless play remains. If you win the game on the last play, or get into the playoffs on the last play of the last game, you won.

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/osJ3vufgx64

Next time: One word or two?

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

From the Grammar Police

Baruch E. Kahana, M.D

Loyal readers know the “Horribly Wrong” team doesn’t identify offenders; our goal is not to shame but to teach. So we will not name the major, respected news outlet that apparently didn’t know the difference between a cue (a prompting) and a queue (a line of people.).

No. What authorities are investigating, primarily, is not the officer himself, but his killing of the man. Better: “Investigation underway into white officer’s killing of Patrick Lyoya, a 26-year-old black man.”

Are they saying. “We will not issue for some items,” or “We will not issue for any items?” Are you sure? Good writing is about clarity!

Whoops. You did it again. Puerto Rico still is part of the United States.

During a recent visit to a marvelously restored cinema, nature called, and we found ourselves in the room shown here. We had some time for contemplation. We took the opportunity to meditate over yet another case of rogue apostrophes. “Wait,” you say. “Perhaps in this case management meant it as a possessive: a room for a guy. A guy’s room,” But, of course, this is a room for all guys. Which would make it a guys’ room. Or, just “Guys.”

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!

Segment 34: Fun with Roget

Readers: By “Roget,” we are talking about Peter Mark Roget, who in 1852 first published one of a writer’s best friends: a thesaurus. That’s a book of synonyms. A collection of words that have the same meaning. A gathering of similar vocabulary terms. You get the idea. 

We writers and copy editors sometimes have lots of fun with synonyms. Today, we offer a list of some of the different ways to describe a fight. Let us know if we missed one!

Pretty much all of them are clichés, so we hope you never actually use them! We didn’t. One editor told Eliot that if he ever used “kerfuffle,” he’d be fired, sacked, terminated, dismissed. And immediately. At this point in time. On the spot. Now.

Senate.gov/New York Public Library

• Fight

• Spat

• Confrontation

• Scuffle

• Brouhaha

• To-do

• Brawl

• Fracas

• Melee

• Tussle

• Scrum

• Donnybrook

• Rumpus

• Contretemps

• Kerfuffle

Watch this on video! https://youtu.be/8QDLqNscym8

Next time: Play ball.

Readers: "Something Went Horribly Wrong," features samples of bad writing we see nearly every day. You can participate! Be our duly deputized “grammar police:” Your motto: “To protect and correct.” Send in your photos of store signs, street signs, menus, TV news graphics, newspaper headlines, tweets, and so on. It doesn’t have to be a grammatical error. It can be just what we call “cowardly writing.” Include your name and home town so we properly can credit you. You're free to add a comment, although we reserve the right to edit or omit. Now get out there! Send to Eliot@eliotkleinberg.com

Haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet? Do it now! And tell your friends!

NOTE: Eliot and Lou Ann are available for speaking engagements, and can travel. Reach us through the comments section. Just think of all of your employees getting back to work on a Monday, their heads filled with all the ways we’ve shown them to be better communicators!